Rediscovering intimacy

As we age, we don’t lose our desire for intimacy and sex. However, it is acknowledged that ageing will often cause some form of erectile dysfunction. Now that many erection problems can be prevented or even reversed, many couples find that having adjusted to life without sex, they are unsure of how to deal with recovering intimacy in their relationship.

First of all, it is important that you start to look at sensuality in a new way. Things will take longer than they did when you were younger. Your libido isn’t what it was. Patience is required of you and of your partner. It used to be that arousal was something that happened in a heartbeat. Now, it requires more stimulation and more time. Excitement in your relationship may no longer be immediate and overwhelming. Instead, sex is something that can be built up to – more slowly and more satisfyingly.

Revive the romance in your relationship! Spending more time with your partner will do wonders. Go out for a meal together. See a movie. Take a long walk together. You needn’t even go out: simply being at home and cooking dinner with your partner is a wonderful way of reminding yourselves that your relationship is still a loving one. After all, warmth and affection are the basis of intimacy and a healthy sex life.

Often, when a man has been experiencing erection problems, he and his partner cease touching one another because the issue of intimacy is avoided altogether. Talking and touching build closeness. Affection, not necessarily the kind that leads to sex, should happen frequently. Take it one step at a time. Hand-holding, kissing and hugging all show your partner that you care for her deeply and that you want her close.

Impotence can be linked to anxiety or stress. If this is the case, then regular shows of affection will help to create a relaxed and unpressurised atmosphere around sex. This sort of behaviour should continue for a few weeks and, in a happy relationship, beyond that. It is vital that you and your partner are continually reaffirming the deep bond that you share.

It is wise to not rush into full intercourse. It is important that this process be viewed by both of you as a shared experience. You and your partner should begin by limiting yourselves to kisses, hugs and sensual stroking and caressing. After several sessions of this, you will have got used to being close to one another, and sexual intercourse can be attempted. If you are taking medication to assist in achieving an erection, your partner will need to help the process.

During lovemaking, you should both explore how your intimate renewal is making you feel. Be aware of what you find arousing and what you don’t. Afterwards, talk about these things. If you find that you are experiencing any difficulties with the process of returning to the levels of intimacy you both remember, perhaps you should seek out relationship advice.

No one is too old to be sexually active. All you need to bear in mind is that the way it happens simply changes over time. Talking, touching and a calm environment can increase your ability to have an erection, regardless of your age.